Abstain

Maybe twenty years ago,  his swag,  his baggy clothes,  du-rag, rough talk,  nothing to offer but dick would have intrigued me.. would have excited me... would have made me think I was lucky to run up on this man. ..Shit, 20 years ago, I would have been up for the fight. .up for the challenge of making him over to what I needed and wanted. .up for the disappointment I knew would soon follow and up for the walking away,  only to find the next one,  doing the same,  being the same and looking the same. .. But this ain't then,  this is now and I'm tired..
Tired of the same bullshit. .. tired of the lies,  the half truths,  the hidden agendas,  the promises without follow thru and the sex.... I'm actually tired of sex... tired of the meaningless,  no emotion,  going thru the motions,  wondering how did I get here, when will he appear, not getting off, sex...
Today,  I'm ending my relationship with casual sex . I'm putting that muthafukka on notice. I'm letting her know,  I'm over it. Pass it and clearly through with it. . I'm focused.  Focused on him... focused on my future.....

Well, I got derailed a bit.. This guy was talking some off the wall stuff that I had to try... he said he wanted me to make him my slave. .. Whaaa.... lemme try that!! Turns out, I'm not built for the dominatrix lifestyle and sticking my finger in a man's ass while calling him a bitch doesn't do it for me; so, Im back to square one - saying no to casual sex...