Where the fuck did these tears come from? I've been walking around emotionless for days, weeks, months. I promised myself I would no longer cry over some bullshit like a fucking man... Esp one that I only see once a month. I thought I had it down, that I had it all together...Four orgasms later, a ball of fucking emotions... I'm sniffling, tears streaming, eyes red, trying to be quiet because he's sleep, I don't want to wake him and have to explain the tears which I can't explain. Each breath I take I feel the tears coming back... Where did they come from and why? Granted, I have been going thru a lot lately. My money is fucked up. I'm making life decisions between paying my power bill or buying groceries. "Life for a shorty shouldn't be so rough".. Word, Ghostface...
At one point, I really wanted to be with this dude. He's my ideal. Reminds me a lot of the men in my life: Strong, leaders, provider, funny, supportive, God fearing... the list goes on.. I claimed him. I told God this one is mine but I guess God forgot to tell him to claim me. Because he's too busy, got his kids, going to his dad, has the kids, or working or..did I mention the kids? I know I have to move on, and I did at one point, for almost six months. Something keeps pulling me back. Something beckons me to call him, just one more time. Self esteem much?
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