Love lost....

When the love is gone but remnants of it lies beneath the surface ...You try your best to recapture the feeling..

I cannot articulate how insignificant I feel or how inadequate I feel when it comes to you.. You don't make me feel these things, I feel them as if they are so and it's only with you. I pushed you away from the beginning. The more I was around you, the more insecure I felt. The more I would question the why's and the hows... Like did you really care? Could we really be more than we are? I know my behavior caused you to move further away from me. I know the crazy texts, not answering the phone, the temper tantrums all pushed you away. I just felt unworthy, unloveable.... Not meeting any of your people heightened my anxiety.. Not knowing certain things, simple things about you added fuel to my fire as well. However, this was all me. All in my head, yet with anyone else, none of this would be a factor. I’ve placed you on this pedestal of perfection. You seem to have it all. The Golden Boy, I called you on my head. It seems you do all the right things. Say all the right things. Love the right way and I'm none of that.. I am imperfect. Foundation cracked. Picture skewed, not quite straight. Living under the umbra of doubt of missteps and uncertainty even at this age. Esp at this age. Who would want that? Who would want this? Who wants someone unsettled, unstable, in a financial crisis, standing on their last leg, on the brink of destruction with nothing to offer but...... I kid. I have a lot to offer a man by way of support, peace, love, warmth and comfort, an ear, a shoulder, safe spaces and soft places to land.. I offer my heart... The most valuable thing I have.. it's dented, cracked, missing pieces, duct taped back together but it still beats.. still yearns, still wants, still loves you.