I am...

I was watching Joel Osteen last night on Oprah's lifeclass. He said, whatever follows "I am" will come looking for you... There are so many negative "I am's" that I say to myself on a regular basis. I wonder why it is so much easier to believe the negatives than the positives. I am 42 years old. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a friend, a lover, a co-worker, a native New Jerseyian, a libra and the list goes on and on... When I look at that list, I wonder in what area could I have done better? Could I have been a better mother? Of course. A better daughter? Sister? Cousin? Worker? The answer is of course. A resounding Yes! But what IS exactly better? A better listener? More compassionate? More attentive? Less selfish? More people oriented, friendly? I am but who I am... me.

One of my favorite poems:

I am enough, just as I am.
unfinished,
imperfect,
uncertain of the road I choose
yet, certain that I must continue.

I am enough for some
and too much for others.
I struggle with myself.
I wrestle with fear.
I avoid the parts of me
that are dark and unavoidable.

Yet, I want to hide no more.
I am alive.
I know because I feel.
In my eyes,
I am damaged,
hurting,
healing,
in need of improvement.

BUT in the eyes of God
and in the place where grace abides,
I know I am enough.

Author unknown