The Placeholder

 The placeholder

Since I moved back from Atlanta

My old jawns have been reaching out 

Even the married ones

They weren't married when I left 

That i knew of

It makes me wonder a lil, like

What if? Hmmm

When I was in Atlanta running em

Blocking,  dodging, and 52 faking em out

You would have thought I played pro ball the way I could block and run and hike the ball, but for sure didnt catch any shots

Sometimes, I wanted to catch it 

And if I caught it,  then I'd be stuck

With the circus

The clown show

Or the hobosexuals

You know only interested because they need a place to stay

And if they were cute enough

Id let them stay

But then it turned into more than it should be

More than I'm willing to give

Me

Id sacrificed enough in my lifetime

To keep giving myself away

To keep giving my pearls to swine 

To keep being a homeless shelter

A ring leader 

Or from a distance, 

a fool

Nothing but a court jester

For entertainment purposes only

Never too serious 

About me

Never really giving any thought to being a wife or their wife

Being married was never really high on my list of things to do

So

One guy I dated right before I left

A multi millionaire 

I mean dude had bread

Im talking owning companies, a few properties 

Trust fund babies, living in a mansion,  Bentleys in the garage,  15 yo son driving a drop top benz and all the toys boys desired

But he wasn't my type

I mean he was fine,  don't get me wrong

He was tall, light skinned

A big guy

He had personality

Charisma

With a touch of narcissism 

And manipulation

And to some he was a catch

He loves his momma

Took care of his kids

But he was a clown

He strung me along for a minute

Or I should say i let him string me along

See, fool

He would throw me a bone every now and then

Even offered to move me in 

But he wasn't serious...

I know what you're thinking but he asked me to move in

True but he didn't know my last name,  birthday or favorite color

He was throwing me a bone

So i could shut up about being together 

However something in me

Just clicked and the song Toni Braxton sang played in my head, He wasnt man enough for me

And I walked away

So my old jawns in Atl are getting married/engaged

And Im in NJ single 

Looking back

Thinking did I miss something

Make a mistake

Am I having regrets

I mean what's up with that

Was I not good enough to marry

Or as my momma once told me,  maybe my destiny isn't tied to a man

Or maybe I was just a placeholder in their lives until the one they desired came along...

Nah.... the fool turned into a queen who wouldn't put up with bullshit and nonsense or lack of common sense

So when they call or hit me up on Facebook or text me like what's up,  how you been? I miss you. 

I kindly reply, thanks, but no thanks 

And say hello to the wife...