The placeholder
Since I moved back from Atlanta
My old jawns have been reaching out
Even the married ones
They weren't married when I left
That i knew of
It makes me wonder a lil, like
What if? Hmmm
When I was in Atlanta running em
Blocking, dodging, and 52 faking em out
You would have thought I played pro ball the way I could block and run and hike the ball, but for sure didnt catch any shots
Sometimes, I wanted to catch it
And if I caught it, then I'd be stuck
With the circus
The clown show
Or the hobosexuals
You know only interested because they need a place to stay
And if they were cute enough
Id let them stay
But then it turned into more than it should be
More than I'm willing to give
Me
Id sacrificed enough in my lifetime
To keep giving myself away
To keep giving my pearls to swine
To keep being a homeless shelter
A ring leader
Or from a distance,
a fool
Nothing but a court jester
For entertainment purposes only
Never too serious
About me
Never really giving any thought to being a wife or their wife
Being married was never really high on my list of things to do
So
One guy I dated right before I left
A multi millionaire
I mean dude had bread
Im talking owning companies, a few properties
Trust fund babies, living in a mansion, Bentleys in the garage, 15 yo son driving a drop top benz and all the toys boys desired
But he wasn't my type
I mean he was fine, don't get me wrong
He was tall, light skinned
A big guy
He had personality
Charisma
With a touch of narcissism
And manipulation
And to some he was a catch
He loves his momma
Took care of his kids
But he was a clown
He strung me along for a minute
Or I should say i let him string me along
See, fool
He would throw me a bone every now and then
Even offered to move me in
But he wasn't serious...
I know what you're thinking but he asked me to move in
True but he didn't know my last name, birthday or favorite color
He was throwing me a bone
So i could shut up about being together
However something in me
Just clicked and the song Toni Braxton sang played in my head, He wasnt man enough for me
And I walked away
So my old jawns in Atl are getting married/engaged
And Im in NJ single
Looking back
Thinking did I miss something
Make a mistake
Am I having regrets
I mean what's up with that
Was I not good enough to marry
Or as my momma once told me, maybe my destiny isn't tied to a man
Or maybe I was just a placeholder in their lives until the one they desired came along...
Nah.... the fool turned into a queen who wouldn't put up with bullshit and nonsense or lack of common sense
So when they call or hit me up on Facebook or text me like what's up, how you been? I miss you.
I kindly reply, thanks, but no thanks
And say hello to the wife...
