New...

He said he was uncertain about dating me.. Said he didn't want to waste my time or his... I knew the vibe shifted but damn, that much? I thought it was fun. I thought we were having fun.. I thought surely this time would be different... that we would be different... that this thing we were doing, are doing, well, was doing would be different... Surely, right? So many emotions going thru my mind as the tears streamed down my face... So many words running thru my head as I sat there mute... How ironic a writer that cannot find the words to say exactly what's on her mind as he sat there and spilled his guts.. So articulate, I thought.. How is he able to form any words as I am shrinking right before him? How. Could. He? I struggle to look at him because the tears are hindering my sight. So many tears I thought.. So many emotions in my silence and yet he is rambling on... His voice doesn't even sound like him. It almost sounds disembodied.. Like, the ghost of dating past and Sunshine Anderson is the narrator... "heard it all before...." and I have: it's not you, its me... I've been rejected before... I mean, who hasn't? I wasnt crying because of what was being said... I was crying because I was pissed. Pissed at myself because I felt the shift... This hit harder than most because I thought we were vibing, digging each other... It was so effortless, organic... The chemistry was magnetic... Knowing looks were being exchanged... Ideas discussed.. Dreams spoke about...Things felt like they were falling into place. We were getting to know each other, becoming entangled, making memories, creating intricacies....Then... it happened... The vibe shifted and we became anew....