My time away from you or trying to shut you out was to get my mind and heart right. .. well, to get you out of both, really... I don't think you totally get how I feel about you. I know you don't believe that I fell for you the moment you kissed me two years ago... my heart has been tethered to you ever since - most days I wish it weren't.... Most days, I wish I could fuck you with no regard. Let's just get it and keep it moving. I can't. Most days I hate you and wish we never met, let alone kissed that night of our first meeting. I wish, like most of my brief dating encounters, we fizzled out after the first phone call so I wouldn't feel what I feel now: emotions, love, loneliness, unwantedness, played and manipulated. But I did invite that, didn't I?
I wish I could say I was doing better when I was giving you a hard time, as you put it, I wasn't. I retreated into a cocoon.... playing it safe... not getting involved... trying to fuck with no regard... trying not to compare them to you... trying not to decide who is the biggest asshole.... trying not to think about you. ..trying not to love you but loving you from afar..... and still loving you now....
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